September 1 is here. The anniversary of Gabriel moving into the nursing home. The year has passed quickly, and I am grateful for the words that he still knows: precious, beautiful and wow!
A bit of grief always seems to bubble up to the surface after I leave him. This disease seems to be at once a slow and quick process. The dying off of the connections in the brain is quicker than other dementias, and time itself is passing so quickly. And
yet life itself is drawing to an end in slow motion, sneaking away, little by
little.
I have come to appreciate our hour together at the coffee shop. Gabriel holds my hands, admiring them, relishing the feeling of our touch, saying “Wow wow!” We gaze into each other’s eyes and he leans forward puckering his lips searching for a kiss, and always finding it. He is much more affectionate these days. Perhaps because I had to leave for a month, or maybe it is a result of his changing brain. For whatever reason, I enjoy it with sadness.
He still counts the cars and notices many things, though I am never sure what it is that he is noticing. He says “Wow, look” quite a number of times. I marvel in his marveling and try to make out what it is he is seeing.
He counts the minutes going by, not able to read the watch as we do, but he has his system: 4:20 pm is “four,” where the big hand is; 4:25 is “five;” between 4:25 and 4:30 is “five-six,” which is when it is time to go to the bathroom. At “seven” it is time to leave to walk to the grocery store. And we return to the nursing home by 5:00 pm, which for him is also “five,” where the small hand is.
Viva means life, and alma means soul. The staff at Vivalma continue to be excellent. They are attentive, notice changes in his health status, report to me anything new, albeit positive or not. They are supportive emotionally as well, of both of us. In a way, they nurture life and the soul.
I continue to be grateful to you, my friends and family, for helping to give him the best quality of life possible.
With so much love and appreciation at this one-year marker of the slipping of time through our hands.
Thank you,
Ellen
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Thank you, Elena, for your heartfelt sharing of moments with Gabriel, whose “wow’s” and tender relating to you, and to time, serve as precious reminders of love’s simplicity. Sending warm wishes and thoughts to you both, and to all the care givers and receivers. May our moments together always benefit each other!